You have no idea how much my heart aches when I think of you, when I see you hurt. Sometimes, when you tell me about your pain and your struggles, my eyes start to burn and my hands start to tingle, and I have to look away so you won't see my weakness... I have to be strong for you.
I want so badly for you to be found. You're broken… in pain… hurt, forgotten, angry, searching... Lost. I can't explain with words how much I care for you. It seems unnatural sometimes, so unnatural that it becomes selflessness, and total selflessness isn't an emotion that a lot of people, including me, truly understand, let alone experience.
I don't even know if it's human.
When you tell me how you just absolutely can't go on anymore, when you tell me how much you hate what you've become, when you show me the scars and tell me the lies... When you tell me how you just want to end it… During those times, I want nothing more to ease your suffering, take away your burden--if I could, I would put it upon myself instead. But I can't. All I can do is cry, and offer you words you've heard a thousand times already and prayers I sometimes fear don't leave my bedroom walls. And cry… Cry for your pain, because I know what it's like. Cry because you don't deserve to die, even by your own hand. Cry because I know you have so much life in you, so much to do, to learn, to give, to be. It kills me inside every time I think that you might not make it. That everything you have, everything you are, would be Lost… That the world would never be able to experience your intense beauty, strength, insight… all of those God-given parts of you that the world desperately needs, even if it does not yet realize it.
Lost, know that even when you want nothing more than death, my heart holds out hope for you. Each breath you take--whether it come freely or forced--is a chance for new life, new hope. Freedom. Each breath is a symbol, signifying that you can keep going. That you can come through these thorns, that God can provide the strength, if you provide the will. Everything happens for a reason.
Lost, know that I am here for you. That I will be with you and do my best to help guide you, and sometimes drag you, through the thorns. I will never give up hope for you, and I will never turn a blind eye to you. I will always love you.
Lost, know that God has put me in your life for a reason. God has put me in your life to help find you, to help lead you to Freedom, to let you know that your life--your story--is more valuable than could ever realize. God has put me in your life to save you.
Because you are worth saving.
P.S.: I'm anticipating that some will wonder who this was written for. That, I can't say. It was really written for many people. Now, however, it's written for you.
Hoping for the Lost,